The following document was filed by J.S. Cambry (ABD), bioethics student on March 14, 2423
E. Newsome’s Diary
May 7, 2403
Dani came to training again today. So, of course, the kids didn’t perform very well. Sam slipped twice when stepping off Tom’s back, and then, there was Dani, making notes on that damn tablet with her finger. I ended up yelling at Sam, and then she started crying and wouldn’t stop, so I had to shock her which made me feel awful. It made Tom angry. He deliberately messed up the tumbling pass, and I ended up yelling at him, too. He yelled back, his face right in mine. I had to shock him, too. He started laughing. He laughed and laughed and laughed, and then he was on the floor, and I finally let up.
Training was a mess for the rest of the day.
Dani told me I should write up the incident with Tom. I’m not going to. It wasn’t his fault.
It’s just so damn easy to use the ESS.
May 10, 2403
More visitors today. Dani (as usual) and Tow and two of the admins. I’m not sure why the admins were there. It’s not like they understand what we do or any of the intricacies of training or how to work with these children.
It’s not like they can even offer any helpful suggestions. Don’t get me wrong. I’m sure they’ll have all sorts of suggestions. Not only that, but I’m sure they’ll expect us to try to implement their suggestions. But they’re going to be useless. I know that. Dani knows that. Tow knows that. But we all have to pretend. Otherwise, we get fired.
The kids did their best. I know they did. But they’re kids, and they still screwed things up, and when they screwed things up everyone acted like the house was on fire and falling down around us. The audience isn’t going to know if they perform every little trick correctly. And even if they do, they’ll think the imperfections are adorable. That’s what Tom and Sam’s purpose is. To be adorable.
I love that none of them, not even Dani, seem to understand this. Tow drew me aside about seventeen times during training to explain to me what I was doing wrong, and, then, when the kids failed too many times, he let Dani take over training. And because the kids performed perfectly for her, Dani had to walk me through her training methods while everyone looked on to make sure that I was absorbing her lesson.
I wanted to tell the morons that the kids learn through repetition. The only reason they got everything right for Dani is because she worked with them after they’d been through the behaviors about five times.
Opening day can’t come soon enough.
May 13, 2403
I bit my lip to pieces during the performance. Bad habit, I suppose. Apparently, it’s one I share with Martin. He offered me medicated lip balm on the way out of the facility and told me everything was going to be okay.
I didn’t realize how much I needed someone to be kind to me. I cried the entire way home on the transport.
May 15, 2403
Outdoor training today. The kids seemed happy. They performed well, hit all their cues. The admins who were watching seemed pleased.
I got through this damn day. I am pleased.
Martin trailed me to the transport. I’m not sure why. He waved at me before I got on my train.
May 20, 2403
Opening Day is over. It is midnight, and I’m in my apartment.
Martin has gone to get alcohol. He says we will be blessedly hungover at work tomorrow. This sounds so damn good to me.